Bollocks...
Guys, I think I might need some help…
I’m stuck. Well and truly stuck. This thing between Claire and I has completely consumed me from the inside and broken down so many things to boot. Sometimes I’m happy, but more often than not I’m falling to pieces. I can’t control it. To have someone who’s been so very warm towards you turn and be so very cold hurts. And when they then ask what they can do to try and make things better, too. Ha! It’s complete bollocks really. I have so many things to say back, each one more pointed than the last. Keeping quiet is another part of the struggle. An amicable ending to this would be preferred, because otherwise there’ll be sparks of a completely different nature to how it started.
It’s that keeping quiet and almost composed that’s hurting the most. I don’t know how to deal with this one. There’s nowhere to run and hiding doesn’t feel like an option. I feel so pathetic both blogging this, but I don’t know what else to do. Dropping into someone’s room and blurting it all out doesn’t feel right, yet it’s definitely something to consider; safe in the knowledge that I’m only going to break down yet again whilst doing it.
Long and short of it. I’m getting through the days, but I wouldn’t call this living…
Paul
What is this all about?
To have the step from someone being so warm to so cold. From being so happy to so bitter. From being together to being so very far apart. How does that hurt so badly? How does that cut the skin down to the bone? To make you so full of rage and words yet you stay as silent as the grave. And how on earth do you cope with that span of pent up emotion? Simply how?
Help
All things considered, what is the best course of action to take when fighting an impossible battle? Is it to run? Is it to fight on in vain? Is there any way of combining the two and still maintaining a clear conscience? At the moment, I simply don’t know, nor understand.
The past fortnight has been one of the longest of my life and it’s been a constant struggle between a slim grasp of sanity or tumbling into the ravine of insanity. To have your own world built so nicely, only for someone to tear one of the keystones from the structure to bring everything crashing down and hitting reality with a very real ‘thud’ is soul destroying. Utterly and completely.
And once all the turmoil is over, how do you start rebuilding? Where do you start?
The questions continually flow, yet no answer has come to the head as of yet. It’s been a hard fortnight since returning to uni and having what was my world torn to shreds, and there’s still a long way to go yet because everyday feels like heading back to square one once more. Coping is the right term, but how long the happy façade can last is beyond me. I’m crying inside, yet trying to show happiness on the outside and it’s not the preferred state to be in, I can assure you of that one. It’s all a matter of when I break, not if I break.
Help me.
