What the hell is going on?
I’m one week back into the new term, but it may as well be way back at the beginning of last term as far as things in general are concerned. I’m still equally lost and at complete dismay with all things to do with little miss Claire and I’m only getting ever more aggravated about it. Why can’t she treat me like a person? Why can’t she give me a little bit of honesty. Why do I have to push for it just so that I can have a reason for what she’s doing. Then, the moment I do try and ask for some form of truth, I get beaten back in a ‘how very dare you’ kind of manner. I ask you!
I admit I haven’t been the easiest thing to deal with throughout, but at least I gave her honesty and consistent honesty at that. What do I get in return? Half truths, lies and falsities as she tries to humour me. If it’s getting down to that, why the devil hasn’t she walked away from it all? I don’t have that option, because I still have overwhelming feelings for her. But all in all, I thought I deserved more than what she’s struggled and begrudgingly given me. Accused of double standards now, I can’t see how she can feasibly argue that one away, because she’s hardly innocent about that one. Bah! It gets right under the skin, knowing she still thinks she’s bloody right in all of this. What? Her biggest ally and the person most likely to understand what was going through her mind during the Chile trip has finally conceded that even he doesn’t understand why she took things in the way that she did. But to herself, she’s still the incredible and all knowing fortress, not letting the tiniest thing go against her.
And why can’t I just drop things and toddle off, knowing she’s like this? I still love her. And that has to be the most aggravating part of it all.
posted by Paul @ 9:01 PM
2 Comments:
hey my dear little paul! brighten up a bit, please? I suppose that you can forget forgetting her and having you feelings very much changed hehe heavens I'm not exactly the master at that now am I? Things sort them out all on thier own most of the time but trying to keep your self in check in this situation might help a lot. try not to get too upset with her (though I'm fuming even though I've never meet her). space and time is probably something that she needs and thinks that you need. little does she know what a wonderfull person you are and how you are not only willing but also capable of being friends with her (though that's not always too easy of a choice either). be assured of your greatness, ledgendaryness and please, I almost beg it of you, try to move on.
your trustfull corespondance and first friend abrod (and proud of it ;p )
Adriana
xxxx
Hey dude. You hit the nail on the head there when you asked why you couldn't just let it all go and leave her behind, and it's because of those feelings of love that you feel forever inclined to sort it all out. From the looks of it, she is not admitting any sort of blame or fault to the relationship between you too and you could go scratching your head forever without learning of what she was thinking.
I'm certainly not full of experience here and yeah it is a rollercoaster but like Adriana said, you need to realise that you shouldn't sacrifice being who you are, having the honesty you do for someone else.
Don't deny your feelings for her, but try and look for a way forward if things don't look like they'll sort themseleves out in the near future. Chin up dude, you're not one to be held down by anyone nor anything in life and you know, most of all, that we are all here for you, whatever...
Scott
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