Help
All things considered, what is the best course of action to take when fighting an impossible battle? Is it to run? Is it to fight on in vain? Is there any way of combining the two and still maintaining a clear conscience? At the moment, I simply don’t know, nor understand.
The past fortnight has been one of the longest of my life and it’s been a constant struggle between a slim grasp of sanity or tumbling into the ravine of insanity. To have your own world built so nicely, only for someone to tear one of the keystones from the structure to bring everything crashing down and hitting reality with a very real ‘thud’ is soul destroying. Utterly and completely.
And once all the turmoil is over, how do you start rebuilding? Where do you start?
The questions continually flow, yet no answer has come to the head as of yet. It’s been a hard fortnight since returning to uni and having what was my world torn to shreds, and there’s still a long way to go yet because everyday feels like heading back to square one once more. Coping is the right term, but how long the happy façade can last is beyond me. I’m crying inside, yet trying to show happiness on the outside and it’s not the preferred state to be in, I can assure you of that one. It’s all a matter of when I break, not if I break.
Help me.
posted by Paul @ 2:01 AM
2 Comments:
To be honest, i kinda know how you feel about breaking. I've felt that way for the last few weeks too, but luckily/unluckily i broke a few days ago so it went away.
I think the only way to fight the battle really is to give in, especially saying as what it seems to be doing to you. Fighting on in vain is all well and good as long as it isn't hacking away at your sanity.
In terms of coping, just keep around people that make you happy and listen to HAPPY music. Stay away from Damien Rice and Divine Comedy, or anything that doesn't have a chearful beat to it. Even if the song is talking about something really depressing a good beat will keep you happy.
Just keep your chin up and if you need someone to talk to you know where I am
Just to reiterate on the last point Chris made, I am also here for you dude whenever and however you want my help and support. I hope that you know you can depend on our friendship when you're feeling like things are falling apart. To feel torn apart is without doubt an awful thing but don't reflect on things by being self critical...sometimes things don't work out the way you'd hope and when things come out of the blue, it makes it so much worse. I feel for you mate, but please don't suffer in silence. Expressing yourself on this blog is one good way of getting out what you feel.
Happy music is not a bad idea but I'd say play what suits your mood, but don't let the music make you down. Music stirs the soul and I am sure it does with you when you put on a CD or sing in the shower :P I know I do.
Best wishes
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